The 'balls' are in your 'court'

Today I was thinking it would be quite amusing if the french term cul-de-sac really did translate into English as 'to castrate.'

Taken out of context...

At a recent dinner party an acquaintance said;

"BUT FORTUNATELY THERE ARE ONLY TWO OR THREE BLACK PEOPLE LIVING ON MY STREET"

Now out of context that statement is offensive, but when you place it in context it forms part of a rather funny and inoffensive story about his dog barking aggressively at dark-skinned people, possibly as a result of a previous, and abusive, owner who may have happened to have skin of a darkish hue... Or perhaps it is just a racist dog.1

For those of you who do not think that that statement needs to be placed into context to be amusing I imagine you are in a hurry to finish reading this blog because you're late for your Klan meeting.2 Late by about 130 years bozos.

If anyone knows about any anti-white racist dogs please tell me!

Oh and3


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1. And now here is something from our Bute correspondent and Metro
2. The Ku Klux Klan website is hosted in Belize , ironically a very multicultural country. However it's history of slavery and colonialism would no doubt appeal to the KKK.
3. To all my friends who have told me you cannot use footnotes when blogging I say bite me! - bite me like a racist dog...

I'm getting jiggy with Jesus in my body!

It seems that my years of so called 'pontificating,' 'preaching' and possessing a 'holier than thou' attitude have been noticed by a greater, *David glances up* higher force.

According to the Government register of employees (yes dear kittens and human folk who read this blog I do work for the Orwellian Big Brother) my official title is Reverend. Not 'Mr.' but 'Reverend.'

So that's Reverend David to ALL of you from now on. :)

If you feel the need to confess your sins - my door is open, my email box never full to your impassioned and soul-wrenching pleas. My children, my flock - your shepherd is here to guide you - for a small fee, of course.

Working 9 to 5 ..... What a Way To Make a Livin'

I really cannot fathom why most people have to work 5 days a week 48 weeks a year. How can each job fill the same amount of time? Why has this become the accepted norm? WHO came up with this ridiculous working plan anyway? ... *David googles* ... aha! -

According to wikipedia it was the Earl of Inbred, who thought of the idea whilst playing bridge at a house party in Kent in the nineteenth century. It seems he lost badly to a pair of untitled men and petulantly enquired as to why these men were free to be playing bridge on a Friday in any case. He declared, ominously, that,” something ought to be done about it!" One of the chaps who the Earl was losing to, a self-loathing grammar school scholarship-winning coal-miner's son named Mr (later Sir) Reginald Sadist, who was, at that time, employed as a page1 at Whitehall, thought the idea to be an excellent one. He subsequently suggested it to Lord Mundane2, Minister for Employment and Doing Something About It who brought it up in the next Cabinet meeting and it passed both houses in the next sitting of Parliament. Well there you go then.


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1.More specifically Page 12 of the Financial Times in the Members’ Lounge at Parliament House .

2.Those in the legal profession may be interested to know that Lord Mundane was related by marriage to Baron Billable-Hours, the pioneering lawyer and Managing Partner of the world’s first multi-national legal firm, Boredom, Misery, Boredom, and Sellout. (Now known as Boredom, Misery and Boredom, or more simply BMB after Charlie Sellout did just that and spent the last thirty years of his life wearing only sandals and linen shorts while imbibing gin and tonics aboard his yacht in the Caribbean. Coincidentally, Baron Billable-Hours also spent the last moments of his life in less formal attire having been stripped to his briefs before being beaten to death with a 'rather pressing brief that just had to be sent out by 7 pm at the latest’. His murder was never solved and the press made much of the fact he was murdered outside a Young Lawyers Convention in the popular seaside resort of Revenge by-the-Sea.

ROOTnest Island...

Brace yourself readers - this one comes right out of left, or at least West, field. West Australian Opposition Leader Troy Buswell says there is "absolutely no substance" to reports he once did something inappropriate to a quokka.

In his defence, the politician who has previously been outed as a chair-sniffer and bra-strap flicker, said,

"I'm not aware that I've caused any offence to a quokka."

Priceless.

Is anyone else disturbed by the specificity of the denial? It seems to leave open the possibility that other species may have been assaulted in the past...

I think touching the quokka should now become a euphemism for doing something a little wrong and dirty.