Who you calling Sue?

Yesterday I heard the famous Johnny Cash song, A Boy Named Sue (see below for video and lyrics) about an absent father who gives his son a girl's name, Sue, so that the son will experience the inevitable bullying that a boy with a girl's name would endure in an attempt to make his son a tougher and butcher man than he would ordinarily presumably be if he grew up without a father and was named something normal like Tom...

I think there is an infinitesimally small amount of logic there - perhaps it is country and western logic... However this combination of gender-bending nomenclature and the macho Cowboy/Western ideal got the old grey cells humming and I remembered that both John Wayne (the American actor and macho figure famous for his cowboy roles in Old-West style pictures) and Zane Grey (the literary equivalent of John Wayne who was famous for his depictions of the rugged Old West) were both born with feminine first names! John Wayne was born Marion Morrison and Zane Grey even more unforgiveably was christened Pearl Grey.

He sounds like a lesser known style of Twinings tea.
"hmmm no Earl Gray for me today... I shall have the Pearl Gray..."

Are they the real men named Sue?

"A Boy Named Sue"

My daddy left home when I was three

And he didn't leave much to ma and me

Just this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze

. Now, I don't blame him cause he run and hid

But the meanest thing that he ever did

Was before he left, he went and named me "Sue."

Well, he must o' thought that is quite a joke

And it got a lot of laughs from a' lots of folk,

It seems I had to fight my whole life through.

Some gal would giggle and I'd get red

And some guy'd laugh and I'd bust his head,

I tell ya, life ain't easy for a boy named "Sue."

Well, I grew up quick and I grew up mean,

My fist got hard and my wits got keen,

I'd roam from town to town to hide my shame.

But I made a vow to the moon and stars

That I'd search the honky-tonks and bars

And kill that man who gave me that awful name.

Well, it was Gatlinburg in mid-July

And I just hit town and my throat was dry,

I thought I'd stop and have myself a brew.

At an old saloon on a street of mud,

There at a table, dealing stud,

Sat the dirty, mangy dog that named me "Sue."

Well, I knew that snake was my own sweet dad

From a worn-out picture that my mother'd had,

And I knew that scar on his cheek and his evil eye.

He was big and bent and gray and old,

And I looked at him and my blood ran cold

And I said: "My name is 'Sue!' How do you do!

Now your gonna die!!"

Well, I hit him hard right between the eyes

And he went down, but to my surprise,

He come up with a knife and cut off a piece of my ear.

But I busted a chair right across his teeth

And we crashed through the wall and into the street

Kicking and a' gouging in the mud and the blood and the beer.

I tell ya, I've fought tougher men

But I really can't remember when,

He kicked like a mule and he bit like a crocodile.

I heard him laugh and then I heard him cuss,

He went for his gun and I pulled mine first,

He stood there lookin' at me and I saw him smile.

And he said: "Son, this world is rough

And if a man's gonna make it, he's gotta be tough

And I knew I wouldn't be there to help ya along.

So I give ya that name and I said goodbye

I knew you'd have to get tough or die

And it's the name that helped to make you strong."

He said: "Now you just fought one hell of a fight

And I know you hate me, and you got the right

To kill me now, and I wouldn't blame you if you do.

But ya ought to thank me, before I die,

For the gravel in ya guts and the spit in ya eye

Cause I'm the son-of-a-bitch that named you "Sue.'"

I got all choked up and I threw down my gun

And I called him my pa, and he called me his son,

And I came away with a different point of view.

And I think about him, now and then,

Every time I try and every time I win,

And if I ever have a son, I think I'm gonna name him

Bill or George! Anything but Sue! I still hate that name!

Caption Competition # 5 Winner

Firstly apologies for the delay in posting the results of the caption competition.

The winner of the 'infense shout' prize is Mr G (Giles) for

Habib was determined to plant that bomb in Fernwood

which combined the cross-dressing and terrorist themes beautifully. Those readers unfamiliar with Fernwood need only be told that Fernwood is a women-only gym to appreciate the full humour of the caption.

When raising a glass does not lead to a toast

Quick question. Since when did glassing become the activity de jour for drunken footballers... It is bad enough when anyone does it ever, or when a drunken footballer does it to another footballer but when they are glassing their wives and girlfriends I struggling to comprehend the activity at all.

There was the case of rugby player Greg Bird glassing his girlfriend and then attempting to use a friend as the fall guy. There is also the Wayne Carey incident which occurred in America.

Invariably, I learn that the victim will try and continue dating her beau despite the fact he smashed a glass in her face. I imagine she will certainly keep one eye on him in future (if, and when, she gets her eyesight back in the other eye she will keep that one on him too...)

One thought - if glassing is smashing a glass in a person's face why is mugging not smashing a mug... :)

OK my rant is over.

The Joy of Chicken and the Anger of Aubergines

The Diagram Prize for Oddest Book Title of the Year is a competition that amuses me greatly every year. Accordingly, generous chuckles were generated by the news that to celebrate the 30th anniversary of the Oddest Book Title of the Year a 'best of the oddest' competition is being held. Let joy reign unconfined. Odd contenders include...

I love the diplomatic term - 'Solitary Practitioners'

Subtitled 'Towards a politics of exhaustion'

The complete title is 'Highlights in the History of Concrete'

If you think the title is disgustingly suggestive you should see the pictures inside!

Cock? A Doodle? Doo?

'Better a sweater from a dog you know and love than from a sheep you'll never meet.' Priceless!

The accompanying book, 'RATS for those who don't care' comes with a complimentary packet of Rat poison

WTF?