Soft-bellied invertebrates

I work for a very ecologically aware and sustainability conscious division of my department. Proof of this is the fact that at a recent staff meeting, when discussing 'greening' issues, staff members debated the relative merits and viability of installing a worm farm to house and re-use our kitchen scraps. Before this discussion began I had, unsurprisingly and quite characteristically, vagued out of the meeting and occupied my mind by gazing at the panoramic cityscape from the Boardroom window. Therefore, when I refocused on the meeting I initially struggled to appreciate why one of my colleagues was asking me;

"So David how should we handle worms in the office?"

....My mind raced....I did not know... With gloves? But why? I had not been thinking of handling worms in the office.... Should I have been? Worms? Why worms? - What did elongated soft-bodied invertebrates have to do with my job implementing government policy? Worms? What type of worms? My mind turned unwillingly to memories of shameful juvenile itches - Worms? Parasitic Worms? Our office has worms? And they want my response? Surely it's obvious. My response would be Tablets. Pills. Drugs for everybody!Eradicate them!! But how? Can you buy them over the counter? Do you need a prescription? I'm not going the chemist! This is ludicrous. I looked around the office - So who has them? Someone has got worms. Then I noticed all the staff members were looking at me, awaiting my answer or perhaps accusing me....Oh No... Did they think I had worms? Did they all gather in the kitchen and say, "Look guys, one of us has to bring it up in the meeting - I know its tough - but the guy's got worms and we're going to have to tell him. It's an OH & S thing..." I wanted to yell 'I don't have worms!'

A colleague then said, "I have them at home. At first I was worried the dogs might play with them but they don't even know they're there."
Another colleague, "I used to have them, I think I killed them and I'm so annoyed about it. Really think I should get some more."
And another colleague breaking into a laugh said, "My husband knows how much I wanted them that he gave them to me as part of my birthday present would you believe!"
My face went white, my jaw dropped. These people are mad!
The worm-as-birthday-gift woman then said, "They've got worms downstairs on Level 3."
The repentant worm murderer said, "They've had them for years."
'For years!' I thought?
..... Typical government inaction!!

Perhaps he could do us all a favour and save his voice for marriage too....

Amusingly bawdy News.com.au headline - Idol star Dean Geyer's still a virgin ... but it's hard.
Sure I am lowering the tone of the blog....but it is worth a schoolboy giggle or two...

Tomorrow ruined today

Damn! Damn! Damn! and Double Damn with extra lashings of Damn!
Extra lashings of damn? But why you ask? Read on!
I have a New Yorker cartoon desk calendar on my desk at work. It is THE highlight of my day to peel off yesterday's cartoon and reveal 'today's' cartoon. However on this fateful Tuesday, in my zeal, I accidentally revealed Wednesday's cartoon whilst tearing off Monday's.....
So I already know tomorrow's cartoon today...

Essentially there is no reason for me to go to work tomorrow.

Explosive language

It seems that life will forever be full of disappointments. The headline Murder victim's brother explodes in court offered so much and yet delivered so little on closer inspection -

"FIVE court officials had to restrain an enraged man as the murderer of his sister was jailed for at least 15 years"

Well obviously he was enraged - he had just exploded apparently.... I'd be rather annoyed too...

The Cornetto Revolution

I undertook a Facebook quiz the other day to find out my 'English Word'. My word was Revolution. No surprise really. What can i say - i'm one of those rugged revolutionary types that changes the world as often as most people change underpants. But hey, you do what you do and that's that. So I'm a heartthrob changing peoples lives - that doesn't mean my life's perfect - I'm human. I get disappointed by the small amount of chocolate at the bottom of a cornetto icecream just like everyone else - but i just shrug my shoulders, mop my brow and then start another revolution - but hey, that's just me.