Plane speaking

I received an email at work informing me that the departmental plane is available for use.

"Based at Port X, the 2008 Cessna 206H craft is an invaluable resource. What you
might not know is that it’s readily available to this department and other
government departments for business solutions."

Business solutions?

I think the word they was looking for is 'flights.' The plane is available for flights. Not business solutions.

Why do people use such wank words?

These words are actioning my mentalisation

Today I received an e-mail inviting me to attend a "dynamic and comprehensive 10 month leadership program incorporating one-on-one coaching, seminars, residentials, external networking opportunities and action learning projects."

Residentials?
Action Learning Projects?

WTF?

What does residentials mean? It is not a word. I hope that it means they will provide me with a house. If so, I would like a house with a pool, tennis court and separate area for an energetic dog. I could use the big yard for all those action learning projects I will have to complete.

And what exactly are action learning projects? That phrase is pointless. It tells me nothing. Are there inaction learning projects? The phrase is ungrammatical and a perfect example of the weasel-words beloved by governments and people-management consultants.

My suspicion is that these phrases are made up by people who have a very poor grasp of English but a very high self-regard. Clearly wankers or, as they would call themselves, personal friction facilitators.

This sentence is rooted

When reading an arborist's report on the health of some local trees this sentence stood out:

There are a total of 197 individual trees identified within the audit, along with 11 further trees which had been removed some time in the past.

as opposed to those trees that had been removed some time in the future...