The Sea the Sea-D.

Around the World Yachts-teen-person Jessica Watson has released an album through Sony. Thankfully she is not singing and thankfully it is not a recording of whale calls she heard as she bobbed around the oceans. The album is called (deep breath) "Jessica Watson: Songs from the Pink Lady - The Music That Accompanied Jessica Around The World" so it is essentially a CD of songs some teenager likes.

So many questions...but I will just pose one.

Who would buy this??

My Twenty Cents Worth...

Australia has a new commemorative 20 cent piece. 'Ooh', you must be thinking, it must be celebrating the anniversary of a defining moment in our country's history or perhaps to honour some worthy dignitary or even a selfless volunteer group that's donated time and money to helping others.

WRONG!

The coin commemorates the 100th anniversary of the Australian Taxation Office.

What's next - a coin to celebrate the anniversary of the GST?

Why would they mint this? Who really cares?

The coin does not even have the benefit of being aesthetically pleasing. It looks as though it has tape-worms crawling over it...

I should think that considering it is honouring the Tax Office the 20 cent coin should only be worth about 12 cents...

Weird Books make excellent Kris Kringle presents!

Struggling for Christmas presents at the last minute? Might I suggest one of the following fascinating and weirdly-titled books?

Why Do I Vomit?

What Not to Wear on a Horse

What Moles Tell You About Yourself

teach your WIFE to be a WIDOW:

A wise and comprehensive guide book for all wives prudent enough to prepare for that time when they may become head of the family.

How to Start your own Country

SOAP through the ages

The Popular Book of British Seaweeds

(which makes me wonder how dull the 'unpopular' Book of British Seaweeds must have been...)

The Great Pantyhose Crafts Book

Natural Bust Enlargement with Total Mind Power:

How to Use the Other 90 % of Your Mind to Increase the Size of Your Breasts

Make Your Own Sex Toys:

30 Quick and Easy Projects with Step-by-Step Pictures. A Personal Guide to a Better Sex Life.

(WTF? Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! )

Jewish Chess Masters on STAMPS

This must have been the sequel to 'Finnish Poker Champs on COINS'

The Humanure Handbook:

A guide to composting human manure.

Forensic Examination of Rubber Stamps

Erotic Dots:

Join the Dots to Create 69 Sexy and Exciting Pictures

(Hilarious! I want to see a porno Paint by Numbers next!)

Who Cares About Old People

The Recently Deflowered Girl:

The Right Thing to Say on Every Dubious Occasion

Remember Your Rubbers!:

Collectible Condom Containers - with values.

(This book comes in it's own slipcase...)

Castration: The Advantages and Disadvantages

(This version is complete and unabridged... :P)

Cadaver Dog Book:

Forensic Training and Tactics for the Recovery of Human Remains

(Apparently the working title for the book was FETCH!)

The Beverly Hillbillies Bible Study

(I'm offering a prize to anyone who can tell me what this book could possibly be about)

Anticraft:

Knitting Beading and Stitching for the Slightly Sinister

All About Scabs

and finally..................

50 Ways to Use Feminine Hygiene Products in a MANLY MANNER (for the Self-Assured Male)

Empowering Decorative Mannequins

So I was trawling through the internet for a new job when I came across this advertisement which made me laugh and then disturbed me a little…
(I have emboldened the funny bits…)

Elaine Adams is an Adelaide based company that specialists in residential and commercial cleaning services. We recently rebranded to have the Company Director's name at the forefront of the business; with the main reason being that she became so proud of the company that she wanted to put her name on it. After breaking away from also specialising in decorative mannequins we began focusing on our cleaning services to the Adelaide community.

It is our strong belief that we should help the world through the empowerment of volunteers. As a result, we have recently commenced the Elaine Adams Volunteer Program (EAVP) which aims to empower volunteers to gain more experience and skills in the business world. Through a mutual agreement we hope that by providing us with your skills we can forward them and/or give you more to take away with you when you leave the team.

As a result of our rebranding and company restructing we are seeking a
Marketing Officer. This new and exciting position is not only flexible, but informative and full of learning objectives.

It was advertised on gumtree. It must surely be dodgy. But it sure is amusing.

I am tired of getting 'Knocked Up'

It is Monday. I wish I was not at work. I wish I was at home, sleeping. I have not felt this tired since, well, at least last Monday…

I am knackered, dog-tired, bone-tired, I’m beat, burned out, dead on my feet, drained, drooping, droopy, drowsy, flagging, haggard, pooped, spent, plum tuckered out. I’m worn out. It is surprising that people who are apparently so tired have the energy to create so many euphemisms and synonyms to indicate just how tired they are.

But let me tell you about my favourite ‘feeling tired’ euphemism which amused me as a teenager. My step-grandfather, whenever my Grandmother was worn out, would say that she was ‘knocked up’. Considering that getting ‘knocked up’ is a euphemism for falling pregnant my sisters and I found quiet comical. If my grandmother was enduring a particularly taxing outing my step-grandfather would say that he better get her home before “she gets knocked-up” which would provoke my sisters and me to arch eyebrows, smirk and sometimes squeal with laughter.


Another source of amusement in those days came from the fact that my grandmother slept with my Uncle. Don’t be too aghast! Let me explain… When my grandmother began ‘stepping out’ with the man who was to become my step-grandfather I was encouraged to call him ‘Uncle’, seemingly because it was not ‘proper’ for a child to address an adult by their first name. However, by the time that they married the name had stuck which led to some strange and worried looks on the faces of my friends’ mothers when I would blithely announce that my grandmother and my uncle were married to each other and slept in the same bed… .