NEW Caption Competition

The Caption Competition Returns! Simply come up with a caption for the photo, click on the comments tab below and then type your caption suggestion.

The photo is of South African artist Tim Patch, who calls himself 'Pricasso', painting a portrait of a woman using his penis at the Sexpo in Johannesburg.




The composer of the funniest caption gets a drink at the expense of my wallet one night. If you are cute or interesting I might even buy you two. Have fun with this one infense readers!

From handcuffs to the 'old ball and chain'

Just when you thought the marriage of commercial television and reality TV had borne enough base, forgettable and lamentable TV shows comes this press release from Channel 9…

Following the incredible success of The Farmer Wants a Wife the Nine Network presents the much anticipated new series The Inmate Wants a Wife .

The Inmate Wants a Wife is offering some of Australia's most eligible prison inmates a chance to meet the partner of their dreams and to satisfy their currently unmet needs. The series follows the story of Australian criminals, both white and blue collar, exploring new relationships and trying to find someone they can spend
the rest of their lives with, once their sentence is served or they are paroled.

A one-off two-hour special will feature two female inmates. These ‘jailbirds’ will be looking to find themselves a husband.

Hmmm. Tasteful.

Ramp Romp

A few months ago I lamented the fact that I was without a partner and yet the World's Fattest Man (WFM), seemingly fighting against greater odds than I, had found a loving partner who he was about to marry. (An acute observer might argue that my standards are too high and that the WFM's fiance's standards were too low but that's neither here nor there...)


So... as I contemplate another night in bed with only my childhood teddy bear for company I am less than pleased to read this article telling me about the 'heavenly,' yet logistically complex, love-making of the WFM and the WFM Wife, who are pictured below.






Reports have revealed that the WFM's friends built him a ramp for him to get on so he could 'get it on.' The ramp, reinforced with concrete, enabled the WFM to raise portions of his lower body to allow "greater access to his private parts."


The WFM told a newspaper, "We have finally had sex and we are a true couple in the eyes of God," IN THE EYES OF GOD?? For God's sake I hope the Almighty had poor eyesight....and I guess if he didn't, well...he certainly does now...

WARNING - CRAZY DELUSIONAL PERSON

I think that someone with lots of money to spend has a crush on me. I am being serious. For some months now I have noticed that this person has been putting up messages in public places asking me for sex. The request is very direct and a phone number is attached and I am told to call. I am afraid. I think this person must be following me. They knew that I was taking a different route to work because I was house-sitting and put those signs asking me for sex on the roads that I traveled to get to work. I am worried. Should I call the police?




Anyway I have included a picture of one of the signs below... If you know anything about the person putting these messages up can you tell me? Or tell them to stop?

WHY WON'T THEY LEAVE ME ALONE????

But do they use predictive text...?

I am glad that I live in an age when elephants can send text messages.

In Kenya bull elephants have been equipped with mobile phone SIM cards which automatically send SMS text messages to rangers if the elephants venture too close to villages and farms. This is because the elephants can cause catastrophic economic loss through crop devastation. Instead of culling the endangered animals after they have damaged the crops the rangers can now drive them away from the villages and crops before any harm is done.

"In ye olde black and white times elephants had to find a phone box to alert the villagers . "

It would be nice if the technology could be modified to allow the elephants to send personal messages to their spouses. For instance,
"Honey can you pick up an acacia tree on your way home. I don't feel like cooking."
or
"Darling I heard there are a few mice on the A47 - you might want to take a different track home."

Just a thought.