Classical Gas or Orchestral Fluff?

Why is that Classical music pieces so often have such benign, dull, G rated titles? It is always Symphony No. this or Symphony No. that. Minuet in G? Sonata, Rhapsodies, Preludes ... Boring!

For once I would like to hear a classical piece with a name like, 'Drug-Fucked in E Minor,'
or 'Sex Bomb Cantata.'

I would even be happy with a lame 'Dad' style jokey name like:

'Full of At-Etude'

'Smack my Brass Up'

'If Ukelele Seek Amy'

'Music School Dropout' (perhaps Grease the musical becomes Grease the Opera...)