Subject: Impromptu meeting with Acting Manager
Result: Further disinterest in work and lack of respect for superiors.
Cause: See below
Within minutes of arriving at work after an unpleasantly warm walk Yogi Bear asked to have a meeting with me. As Yogi is the Acting Manager for a period of two weeks this meeting occurred in the Manager’s office, much to Yogi’s delight. During the meeting he referred to the fact he was a manager at least five times. Phrases like, “Well it is all busy busy busy when you are the manager” and “Now I have all these extra tasks because I am the manager" were falling from his lips like froth from a rabid dog.
Any conversation with Yogi turns into a Q and A session with Yogi in the role of Quiz Master. This is infuriating, regardless of whether you know the answer or not. More often than not Yogi will make a statement and then ask, “Are you following this?” in the voice and manner of a patronising carer conversing with an elderly dementia patient. What makes this incredibly infuriating is that the topics covered in his quizzes are easy to grasp and, by mere chance, concepts that I know more about than he does. Prior to today’s meeting I had long thought that Yogi himself does not know the answers to some of the questions he tests me with. Today the topic of project management was discussed in the meeting and what follows is a rough transcript of proceedings that proved my theory correct.
Yogi: So...the three constraints of Project Management.
David: *pause* Yes?
Yogi: What are they?
David: It’s a bit early on Monday morning for a test haha
Yogi: I want you to answer.
David: Seriously?
Yogi: Yes. As your manager I need to know you grasp the fundamentals David.
David: Ok. Here goes. The three constraints of project management. Firstly, Time.
Yogi: *nods*
David: Cost
Yogi: *nods*
David: (I know the very simple answer but cannot fight my urge to stir the pot) um...gee...what is it...
Yogi: Can you remember?
David: Nope. Haha. I blame Monday Morning.
Yogi: Think harder.
David: Nope. Not happening sorry. Haha. Oh well. I guess you will have to tell me.
Yogi: *silence*
David: What is it?
Yogi: *silence*
David: Ooh now I am really intrigued. What is the third constraint?
Yogi: *silence*
David: Ok well you tell me and I will write it down so I don’t forget it!
Yogi: But I asked you.
David: Yes but I do not know. And you obviously do know. Otherwise you would not have asked me! *exterior - wide-eyed innocent look, interior - devilish grin*
Yogi: *silence*
Yogi: Ok well it is probably time for us to end this meeting and get on with our work Yes? I imagine you are busy yourself – As you know I have so much work to do this week...as I am the manager.
HILARIOUS!
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