Totally Forked

Retired Rugby league player Matthew Johns has been the focus of the media this week due to the revelation that he, and fellow teammates, had group sex with a woman in 2002. Ignoring the morals debate and the very loose interpretation of the phrase 'group sex' I found a comment by Sports psychologist Noel Blundell in The Australian unintentionally amusing. Blundell, talking about the method of educating the players, says

"There's no single-pronged attack - there has to be a multi-pronged attack"

And here I was thinking multi-pronging was what got the Rugby players into trouble in the first place...

Tabloid Headlines of the Week.

On the Herald Sun website "They're Flogging a Gift Horse" was the header for an 'article' about the free gifts 'celebrities' receive when they attend the Logies. Considering the bad press the prize-giving ceremony received I should have thought that the headline could have referred to the process of doling out the Logies themselves...

The sexual congress of an amorous couple on the lawns of Windsor Castle, while the Queen was in residence, was sex-romp, multi-inch fodder for the tabloid dailies in the UK this week. Hats, or indeed, clothes off to the sub-editor at The Sun for the following headline for the story that revealed the identities of the lawn lovers

"This one and this one are the ones who gave each other one on one's lawn"

Snigger.

Just like any other tissue, only more so...

I noticed these tissues were advertised as being 'Casablanca Style.' My head hurt contemplating why the advertisers used such a name.



Perhaps the tissues' absorbency is perfect for emotional and inclement airport goodbyes?

Classical Gas or Orchestral Fluff?

Why is that Classical music pieces so often have such benign, dull, G rated titles? It is always Symphony No. this or Symphony No. that. Minuet in G? Sonata, Rhapsodies, Preludes ... Boring!

For once I would like to hear a classical piece with a name like, 'Drug-Fucked in E Minor,'
or 'Sex Bomb Cantata.'

I would even be happy with a lame 'Dad' style jokey name like:

'Full of At-Etude'

'Smack my Brass Up'

'If Ukelele Seek Amy'

'Music School Dropout' (perhaps Grease the musical becomes Grease the Opera...)

Coles for sore arseholes

Do you love Coles? Apparently You'll Love Coles. I know I love Coles' scented clumping cat litter. Without it, gee...well I think my life would be empty... well, at least, far less clumped. Sure I don't even own a cat but the product is so damn good and the marketing so believable I just had to buy some. And don't you just love the random suburbanites pictured on the packaging identified by a generic first name and an inane comment related to the product they are promoting. I am not sure what the selling blurb is for the woman holding the cat above but I think it might be, "Helen spends Saturday nights at home stroking her pussy."

I am looking forward to Coles introducing more personal hygiene products into the You'll Love Coles range. eg condoms. I should imagine the blurb will be "Tom likes his condoms ribbed for extra pleasure." or perhaps "Tom hopes she doesn't have a headache tonight."